Sin
by Alkyonides Meres
Summary: A world without her presence is a sin. Judal is set on redeeming this world. And taking revenge for what was stolen from him.
1. An eye for an eye

**_Disclaimer. Unfortunately, Magi is not mine. Neither is Judal or Kougyoku. Ah.. so unfair… the things I'd do to them :D_**

**_Enjoy, if you please _**

**_ Prologue_**

**_ An eye for an eye_**

_He'd kill him. Torture him and slaughter him like a pig. Even if he was a monster amongst monsters, even if he had seven djins at his disposal and even more household vessels, he'd destroy him completely. Sinbad and everything he loved. Because he is a magi and he is Judal and no one is stronger than his hate._

Black rukh fluttered around him and any white ones that seemed to exist were instantly blackened immediately after touching the surface of his extended presence… And his presence could travel _very_ far.

He closed his ruby red eyes and clutched his staff tighter to his heart, the ruby on its tip faded, broken after a fit of rage and _dead_. Dead like _her_. He bit his lip to keep from screaming and dug his nails far deep inside his hand until he felt the breaking of skin and heard the blood dripping to temporarily focus and feel this pain and not _the other_.

Blood filled his mouth and the fallen magi reveled in its disgusting, copper taste. His blood in his mouth was burning hot, raging and _alive unlike hers. _She is dead, taking with her whatever life Judal had still inside him and how he absolutely fucking _despised_ her. That selfish, ugly _hag _how could she?_ How dare she?_

Gone… _gone_. Leaving him all alone, in the place where he was as friendless and as frowned upon as her, _the whore's daughter and the demon child_. The one place where he'd promised himself and _the_ _her_ inside his mind that would be,_ once the time was right_, at their feet.

He'd make her an Empress and he'd be her God and together, an Empress and a God would pass judgement. They'd rule those beneath them in such a way that the _Red_ in her name would be associated with the _blood he'd make it rain for her sake, rather than the finery of her jewels_.

Now.. now nothing matters. Now he'll burn this world to ashes, because a world without her presence is a sin in itself.

But before this..

He stared with unseeing, dead, red eyes at the ruby his staff held that was once _a present from her_ and swore.

Whatever it takes. Whatever it costs.

Sinbad was going to fucking _die._

_And he'll have him watch his kingdom burned and his people scream and suffer in the same way he watched her slip away from his fingers._


	2. Descend the shades of Madness

**A/N. Well.. This is the first chapter where we start to get a feeling of what Kougyoku goes through. The time frame is set before the Magnostadt arc, after Kougyoku and Hakuryuu return to the Kou empire. This chapter is all Kougyoku's pov and the next will focus on Judal. I'll try to make them have a turn, we'll see how it will work out. **

**Constructive criticism is always welcomed, tell me if there was something you did not like. **

**Disclaimer : I do not own Magi. But Christmas are coming up so…**

_**Chapter One.**_

_**Descend the shades of madness.**_

She loved the rain.

It calmed her like nothing could and helped her escape the loneliness. Even before Vinea dwelled in the furthest part of her mind, Kougyoku loved it. The gentle raindrops fell on her windows, blocking her clear view to the outside (_free_) world, altering and distorting it. Cleansing it. The princess smiled bitterly. The distorted world the rains offered her seemed, at times, much more preferable than the clear world of the hot blazing sun. _At least in her rainy world she would not be the only oddity._

Sighing and rubbing gently her temples, Kougyoku tried in vain to fight down another one of her raging headaches _(and heartaches)_. Lately her moods were getting… weird. She had yet to confide to anyone about this, not ever her dear Ka Kobun because she thought that maybe, in her trip to Sindria, she had unwittingly caught a cold. However, here she was a month later and if anything, her headaches have steadily been getting worse. It was a cause for concern, for various reasons, but she hated bringing even the slightest trouble to her beloved older brother, especially since he still had a lot of things going on with the war and on top of that the death of the Emperor... Kougyoku stilled. _My father_ she willed herself to think. "My father" she spoke, quietly. Such a foreign world, it felt odd falling from her lips. It felt _wrong._

I am the Kou's empire eighth _imperial_ _princess, _she hissed in her mind. It is my rightful position _dammit. _"What do I fear so much?"

Of course no one answered her, save for the continuous thump inside her mind. It was getting so hard to concentrate these days with this constant buzzing in her head that seemed to be causing her sleep difficulties amongst all the others. The princess looked somberly at her mirror, the telltale bags under her eyes reminding her of countless nights spend awake in fear of what her dreams would bring.

The dreams. Filled only with _violence_ and blood, she absolutely loathed them and her mind for making them up. They terrified her. Because in all of them the end was the same. Death.

_Kouen's death._

_Traitorous whispers from a honey toned voice that seemed familiar moved her hands to the dagger hiding inside her robes. A voice, maybe her own, she cannot tell even this much anymore, calls him for attention. Kouen smiles at her, that heartwarming, gentle smile that reminds her she is not all alone. However something more sinister paints this loving face she's known all her life into darker, crueler lines and she tries, she tries so hard to change it but the answer to his extended arms is always the same._

Kougyoku wakes screaming the moment her dagger buries itself deep inside her brother's heart.

The first time this happened she could not look at anyone straight in the eye, for she feared they knew. By the time she met her beloved brother in flesh, she could not stand even being in the same room with him without her throat instinctively chocking up at the smell of his blood that her mind supplied her with. _So vivid, so real. Almost waiting to happen._

Kougyoku had fled the meetings with the other generals that discussed the wars, even if the moment she stepped out of the room, the buzzing in her head grew _almost murderous_ in its intensity and she was forced to crawl on her hands and knees before an appalled Ka Kobun rushed to her aid. Kouen would ask her later, but all he would get from her would be a tight _pained _smile and an excuse of woman matters. She'd laugh at his rare show of embarrassment but she'd know deep in her heart that this time he just let her have an excuse. He hadn't offered her a comforting touch and she hadn't asked. Kougyoku had the feeling she never would, again.

Something was wrong with her. Something wasn't quite right inside her mind and it terrified her, even if she had not talked to anyone about it, seeing as the only person who considered her a friend _(her heart clenches and she chokes but she should be used to it) _was too far away from her. She feared and wished she had someone to confide in, but in here, where the court wars were almost as feral as the actual battlefields, she did not dare to even utter the notion of killing Kouen passing through her mind, because the end would always be the same.

_Treachery_.

At time like these, Kougyoku wished she could speak to Aibaba. He was the only one she completely trusted with everything she had and she was sure his gentle eyes would never condemn or ridicule her. But Alibaba was far away, for all she knew he could be locked away in the same kingdom with the other man she trusted implicitly.

_Sinbad._

His name brought her a rueful smile and immediate comfort. It made her feel warm inside, not unlike the feeling she has learned to associate with her dear Alibaba and yet, it was in no shape the same. Her feelings for the Sindria king, are (_were)_ far more… intense in some ways and she would never, _could never,_ forget the warmth of his palms, the smooth expanse of his bare chest as it gently moved in accordance to his breaths, the beauty of his muscles, all but a touch away.. Had she not been so afraid, so ashamed, _(a whore's daughter following the steps of her mother)_ would she have dared to..? No, she laughs bitterly.

_Kougyoku, for all her status, has never touched anything she truly desired._

Even so, even if her feelings and trust of Sinbad remained unwavering, there is something in her mind, bothering her, making her anxious and uneasy. Something honey toned and smooth and deep, coaxing her mind and body into temptation of the gravest forms of sin.

Coaxing her into protecting Sindria. To fight for its safety and ensure no harm is done to the beloved kingdom, even if it costs her life.

_Even if it costs the life of a most beloved brother._

She has never allowed terror to grasp her heart. Not in the dungeon of Vinea, because there was Ka Kobun _(because He was there)_, not in the courts were her sisters and step mother were trying to eat her alive _(because He is always there, ruby eyes mocking and belittling as they were he always made a point to force her attentions to him and no one else)_, for in her world to be afraid is to be dead. _(To be afraid is to be without Him)_

_Judal, this kingdom's magi had zeroed in on her, gave her power to protect herself, from assassin's to being stripped of her status, securing her position and giving her hell. Forever following her around, making her feel worse than anyone could yet also stronger. Better. _

_Judal Judal Judal. Even his mere name stilled the noise in her head, filling it with apprehension. Why? _

Something is so very wrong, something that should be only _hers_ feels violated and used and for the first time she is _unsure_ of what she feels and what she thinks, as though she cannot quite understand her own limbs and what it is they are doing. She feels a prisoner inside her own mind, her feeling fluctuating wildly and violently, in complete contrast with her thoughts and actions and the one man that always stills the chaos surrounding her cannot reach her here and grasp her firmly and she dare not confide in him, because he is _crueler than life itself_.

Judal won't stand having his time wasted on mere headaches and girlish angst, because the extent of his protection ends when one of his kings is not threatened to get taken away from him. Kougyoku supposes that even if she descended into lunacy, Vinea would still be usable and a crazed Kougyoku might entertain Judal enough to make him keep her around.

_Some part of her mind rebels against the notion of such cruel thoughts, but even before this she had never believed in the worth others may see in her. _

Kougyoku feels as though she is losing her mind and for the first time she is so very _afraid_.


	3. Misere Nobis

_**A/N Grrr.. Have you guys read the latest chapter? Sinbad you… gaahhhh..!  
I don't own Magi. Unfortunately.**_

_**Thank you all for your kindly reviews..! I really appreciate the support..!  
I hope you enjoy.  
Tell me what you think of my Judal..! ^_^**_

_**Chapter 3.  
Misere Nobis**_

The Imperial Palace is silent today. He thinks it weird, abnormal, because usually silence in this wretched place means that something terrible is waiting to happen. Funny. He is the most terrible thing to happen to this place so far.

Smiling darkly he wonders where his favorite old hag is and why has she not come out to greet him. He certainly is loud in his arrival, hoping to draw her out and normally Kougyoku, bored and lonesome as she is, fervently seeks his presence, even if half the time she ends up frustrated and in tears, courtesy of his harsh tongue.

With his Cheshire grin widening in the prospect of a chase _(he'll hunt her down, hoping she is bathing and then corner her just to see that beautiful distressed expression of hers)_ an exhilarated laugh escapes him as he breathes in deeply the scent of his favorite home _for now_.

Escaping his pestering Al-Thamen bankers easily and bypassing the guards outside her windows, Judal places himself silently inside her bedroom, with a mastery born from years of invading her chambers and snuggling in her bed whether she knew it or not _(most of the times she didn't)_. His wine colored eyes search hungrily for her form. He has missed her, for quite some time now and if all things go as planned with little Hakuryuu, he may not see her again for a while so he is anxious to speak to her. _To tease her and bully her and erase that permanent look of misery from her features and replace it with teary fury and suppressed anger._ And maybe, if he made her laugh with one of those card games she held so dear, Kougyoku would offer to braid his hair and in doing so, touch him and ease him out of his uneasiness and anger that seem to follow him ever since his visit to that cursed island. _Sindria_.

His keen eyes found her, resting in her bed despite it being early afternoon and with a grin he cannot quite control whenever he sees her, Judal is alternating between waking her and mocking her for laziness or snuggling beside her and waiting her to wake up and see how she'll react. Tracing the outline of her body, clad in a light summer nightgown and not quite protected from his sharp, feral eyes he makes his decision with ease. It's with little thought and great impulse that he slips under the covers, making smooth movements so as not to alert her and congratulating himself for the excuse to both touch her and punish her at the same time.

Softly, Judal snakes his hands on her narrow waist, gently making her turn towards him and snuggle in his embrace. She puts up little resistance and her soft, curved body tempts him, but for now he settles for a mere hug. It's quiet _(stolen, forced)_ moments like this that he thinks they still the chaos and madness that is his mind and fill it with obsessive thoughts of her and how she belongs to _him_ only. When Al-Thamen took him in, tortured him and twisted his ways and his rukh to the darker paths of magic, Judal gladly embraced the darkness and thought nothing of getting out of it, accepting it as a part of him. He was a despised demon child, cruel and sadistic, that everyone looked at with hateful eyes and in return he mocked and scorned them. Judal reveled in the distraction of others and had never felt anything about it because he had always believed in his superiority, in his magic and in his inherent _madness_, so nothing, nothing but himself mattered.

_Until her._

Her, the whore's daughter. Another child in the Imperial Palace, perhaps even more scorned than him, certainly less respected and more importantly, with no one to belong to. No one to identify herself with. Judal belonged to himself and his magic and that thought _his absolute belief on his superiority_ had kept him free from Al-Thamen's worst tortures _(meant to break his mind, but his mind was already broken, previous thousands circles of lives and deaths had taken their toll even if he did not yet know, but he will soon, and no man can hope to break a magi loved by the rukh and all creation)_. On the other hand that child, dressed in pale pink silks and pampered with gifts and disdain masked as respect, belonged to no one. Not to her whore mother, not to her father the Emperor and certainly not to herself. '_How hard_, he had thought at the tender age of ten when he had met her_, would it be to make her fall_?' How hard would it be to steal her to his dark side of fate, drape her in blood red velvet and paint her with his version of affection? A broken toy for a broken child, she would cling to him and praise him like the God he knew he was and from her existence he would always center himself, in order to remember_(through the darkness and the torture)_ that Al-Thamen is, or will eventually be, _his_ pawns and not the other way around. How exhilarating would it be to make her fall and to give her a place to belong where she had none?

_To belong to him._

Very fucking hard, apparently. Kougyoku had made a fool out of him, without her ever knowing and Judal had been left in awe and _jealousy_ to gaze at her clean _pale pink _rukh, fluttering with purity, never once darkening or giving in to the darkest parts at herself. And she has them. She is beautiful when drowning in hate and rage. Judal has seen her, has marveled at the sight of her eyes turning cruel and twisted, until her insecurities kicked in and cleared her head of her passions. The fallen magi knows, ironically, that one thing that keeps Kougyoku from falling is how low she thinks of herself. It's to the point that the bitterness she should place at her fate, she instead places at herself_. His beautiful, vicious, insecure princess_. Should she choose it, she can outshine all his others kings.

Her breathing speeds up, anxious, and he looks down at her in his arms, her brow furrowed and her face unsettled and smoothes pale, long fingers over her face, slowly tracing the line that leads to her neck, her pulse_. Her evidence of being alive._ He presses lightly over it, wishing for the time to come, when she will be awake and his lips will replace that his finger. Kougyoku will be awake and blushing but he won't stop then as he must now. He'll place angry, rough bite marks in the expanse of her shoulders _(for all those years he has to wait for making her his)_, visible to his trained eye and she'll blush and pout angrily but inside she'll be happy.

_She'll be mine._

Settling her to lie on top of his chest, Kougyoku's frantic breathing eases and she settles against him, unknowingly falling into a routine she isn't aware they have. Judal places a light chant to help her sleep deeper because he's missed this and figures he doesn't want her awake and away from him yet. He doesn't want her looking at him weary and troubled, afraid of his words and actions and making it so damn alluring to make her cry. She never smiles at him and Judal thinks she needs to be punished for this _(hurt her as she hurts him)_, especially when she smiles to other _men_.

To disgusting Alibaba and even _fucking Sinbad._

Judal tries not to tense _too much _and is silently praising himself for the spell. Just remembering the way she looks at Sinbad was enough to make his blood boil with hate and the rukh to blacken wildly around him, fluttering and filling the air with poisonous magic.

That cursed time in Balldad. If only he hadn't challenged that brat of a magi, all of this would have been avoided. He remembers learning of her engagement, he remembers the rage that some slime filth would be touching her and how ready he was to destroy both Kou and Balldad and demand that she is given to him. And then he remembers calming down, thinking that perhaps, this solution was the best. He remembers..

_Kougyoku canmarry that filth, his name he doesn't even know, but he would go with her. Judal will kill this unimportant king of this unimportant country on his wedding night and take her for his own. Defiled and widowed, no longer usable as a pawn but still a queen, he'd make her his officially, her savior once again, her savior always. Judal had felt thrilled, certain of his personal victory and blissfully ignorant of what was to come. He should have known Sinbad would show up. He always spoilt his best laid fun._

_Perfect King Sinbad. Judal had desired him as his own candidate for as long as he had known him, loving the feel of his magoi, of his strength and craving to translate it into power and destruction. His fascination with the King of the High Seas and the Magi brat had cost him dearly that day, on more ways than one. Clearly he had underestimated the little one's Djin and Sinbad's mere presence. By the time he woke up, dizzy, humiliated but saved and healed thanks to Kougyoku and her Vessel's healing waters, this old had was gushing and blushing about Sinbad like a bitch in heat. Crazed with jealousy and raging for he had lost, for the first time, Judal had gotten into a huge fight with her, made the emperor demote her for her failure and thoroughly crushed her in his anger. He had made her cry and despair and she had ignored his very existence for months after this. Too prideful to say sorry and too jealous to leave her alone, lest she thinks of cursed Sinbad, he had chased after her every day, harassing her and sleeping in her bed, desperately holding on to her and forcing her to think only of him. It took too many moths for Judal to reflect in her eyes after this._

_At least the wedding had been cancelled._

_Suffice to say when Sinbad had come to negotiate with the Emperor, the fallen Magi had glared, seethed and ignored him, otherwise he would kill him on the spot, especially with the way Kougyoku kept stealing glances all night. He was seriously disgusted and angry but he could forgive her this once, especially after so many months it took them to make up again, because Sinbad was not a threat and after this, there was no way for Kougyoku to meet him again. _

_Or so he thought. After leaving for five days and returning to find not only Hakuryuu, but also her gone, to see her beloved king, Judal had thrashed half the estate and killed a hundred henchmen. Distraught and furious, it was at that time he had realized the extent of her influence on him and never one to back down from his claims, he had followed her to Sindria, breaking that pathetic barrier and bashing Sinbad's little lover in the wall. Ridiculing him and baiting him, he would have taken Jafar's life out of spite, if Sinbad had so as much as gazed at her wrong. _

_Until she had showed up, trembling and teary eyed and he knew he had gone too far, but still he wouldn't keep himself in check any more. Judal gave her a choice, an ultimatum and a promise. He had wanted to say Empress and not general, but hell would freeze before he gave Sinbad any kind of hint. He left and soon, she followed. As she was meant to._

Playing lightly with her pink locks, feeling her heartbeat against him, he wonders if perhaps his fascination with this girl will lead to his ruin. Judal has lost control over and over again on her account, but he can't possess her in any other way. He won't woo her, she'll come to him because she'll need him and won't be able to breathe without him. Anything less is a failure.

Kougyoku stirs and mumbles in her sleep, clearly distressed and needing to wake up but Judal holds her in sleep still. He shifts his hold slightly and gently kisses her temple, whispering morbid lullabies where she is his queen and he is her God and no one, not even her nightmares can touch her. Trailing his finger down her throat and stopping just above the valley between her breasts, he is tempted to push her gown down, expose her to his eyes, vulnerable and pliant and then push her down and kiss her, mark her and make her breath with need.

"Sinbad" she breathes and the spell is broken.

His eyed flash murderous red and his hand clench the lock he had once caressed and still she is oblivious.

'Soon, he promises, I'll make you forget he even existed'

He leaves her rooms in anger, failing to notice the bags under her eyes, or the whisper that follows after his departure.

"_Judal.. Help me.."_


End file.
